No Means Yes

Have you ever been in love with someone who wasn’t in love with you?  Did you stick around, and try to prove to them just how attractive and loveable you are, hoping they would change their heart?  Why do we want those who don’t want us? Why do we hope ‘no’ will eventually become ‘yes’?  What do you call this behavior? Hopeless romanticism? Delusion? Self-torture?

Sometimes we’re led on by a ‘maybe’, which is really a ‘no’ in disguise.  And it’s the most torturous word, because it keeps you hooked.  That ‘maybe’ is heard in the phrases, “I’m not sure what I want, I just need a little more time to figure it out” or “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship just yet, but if I was, you’d be the first person I’d want to have one with”, those ‘maybe phrases’ discourage and encourage at the same time.  It takes the person saying them off the hot seat - hey, they told you they weren’t ready for a relationship - and puts the burden on you to prove to them that they are ready, and you are the one they’re ready for, if only they could just see it!  
It’s the most confusing thing, to start what you think is a relationship with someone, only to be told that they’re not really looking to get ‘serious’…even though all their actions towards you indicate that they are.  Basically, they want you around, but don’t want you to get any ideas of commitment in your head about it.  Frankly, that’s just selfish.  It’s not fair to be put on hold like that, to give your all and not get anything in return.  Nobody wants to be the bad guy though, to be the one to say ‘I’m just not that into you’ or ‘I’m not interested in a relationship, but I’d like to have all the perks of being in one’.  So we end up in these undefined situations which have you putting ‘it’s complicated’ as your relationship status on Facebook. 

By holding onto the crumbs that fall from the table of love, you deprive yourself of being truly full. You hoard them, savour them, but they leave you even more famished.  In that state of starvation our spirits become obsessed and shriveled, driven only by the hunger to be satisfied.  And that desperation leads to bad choices.  
While there is virtue in patience and hope, there’s a time when we have to become realistic with the situations we find ourselves in.  If you find yourself always having to understand and excuse someone’s inattention and unavailability, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that they’re just not ready, and you are wasting your time and energy trying to change that.  If they say ‘no’ to you, you need to say ‘no’ to them too.

When you learn to say no, you’re finally saying yes to yourself.  You’re saying yes to your desires, and to what you deserve.  Yes, it’s hard to let go of the little we have, because we fear it’s the most we’ll ever get.  But you have to do it, take that leap of faith, because I assure you, much more is in store.  You must make room on your plate for the feast to come.  So say no to the crumbs and take your place at the table; there is a seat reserved just for you.