Jealousy in a Relationship

Today in The Lovezone, we’re talking
about a little green-eyed monster, you know the one, it’s called
Jealousy. Have you ever been in a relationship with a jealous
person? Or do you get jealous when you’re in a relationship?
Sometimes feelings of jealousy creep up on you out of nowhere. Maybe
because your partner is still in touch with their ex, or when you’re
out in public they get a lot of attention from ‘potential
competition’, and it puts you on edge. Or maybe it’s your
partner that gets a bit antsy every time you talk to someone of the
opposite sex, or decide to have a night out with your friends. None
of us are immune from the emotion of jealousy, but it’s something
that we should be vigilant in avoiding, as it can ruin a relationship
very quickly if allowed to fester.

The best way to get rid of jealousy is
to get to the root of why you feel the way you do. What are the
triggers? Identify and nullify them. Let’s go back to the example
of the ex. Say your partner still talks to their ex, and that makes
you uncomfortable. You need to communicate that to them and find a
solution. If it’s not possible for them to stop talking to their
ex, say because they have a child with them, then they need to be
open with you about the nature of their contact. If you know exactly
what they’re talking about, (speakerphone is great for this) then
you don’t have to entertain any jealous thoughts based on
assumptions. I know of couples who give each other the passwords to
their phone, email, Facebook and Twitter accounts, so that there is
complete transparency between them. Not everyone would feel
comfortable doing this, but it’s an option in the quest to build
trust.

Trust. That’s really the issue with
jealousy isn’t it? Not trusting that your partner is truthful,
faithful. Not trusting that you are worthy of being truthful and
faithful to. Those who don’t trust, like to control. If I can’t
trust that you’ll be faithful to me, then I’ll make you be
faithful. What manifests out of that is a paranoia that poisons.
Here comes the constant phone calls and texts with the “Where are
you, who are you with? Why didn’t you call me back?” Then it’s
the “Were you looking at her/him? You’re cheating on me aren’t
you? Just admit it, I know you’re lying, you won’t look me in the
eye!”... Yeah, not pretty.

Don’t feed the green-eyed monster, it
will devour you eventually. However, when it starts to lash its
tail, don’t ignore it either. If you find yourself getting jealous
often in your relationship, it could be because there is a reason to
be suspicious! Or maybe there is something your partner is
deliberately doing to put you in a position of insecurity. Some
people like to use that emotion as a way of manipulation in order to
keep a person attached to them. It’s an unhealthy way to
orchestrate a relationship, and it’s bound to backfire eventually.

When it comes to jealousy, you really
have to look at everything with a clear vision and evaluate whether
you are just being too paranoid or if there’s a more sinister
situation at play. Trust your instincts, and if you have levelheaded
friends, see if you can get an objective perspective. Again, let
your partner know how you’re feeling, because if someone loves you,
they will do all they can to make sure you feel secure in that love.
We all come with a history of past hurts, so what may seem innocent
to them, may be a red flag to you, so you have to find a common
ground that you can both stand on. Jealousy is a seed that you don’t
want to water in a relationship, it’ll become a weed that will
choke the life out of anything you grow together, so the minute you
see it sprout, pluck it out!

Love,

Geena
www.geenalee.com